THE BULLSHIT FORMULA
There's a little bit of math in the art of Bullshitting. Bullshit by agreed definition is something that’s not true. It’s not just limited to words, but actions and ideas that aren’t true. Mainly anything that’s not consistent with a formula, pattern, or dedicated function will somehow find its way to be titled “bullshit,” among other words. Consistency is the basis of everything in life. We need consistent food, sunlight, air, warmth, stimulation, etc. When there is a disruption in the consistency, or inconsistency, death comes rushing in, and sometimes gets in. If you’re heart stops or the world stops turning…say good bye.
Bullshit is a synonym for inconsistency here. Somehow, many things once consistent have become a series of inconsistencies, such as language, government, religion, economics, education and just about every social gathering we can think of is loaded with bullshit, meaning that you can find something wrong to fuck the whole thing up. The clearest example of consistency is mathematics. You don’t need to be a mathematician to know how to solve an equation as long as you know your basics like multiplication, division, addition, subtraction and order of operation…they’re always consistent. You also don’t need to be a mathematician to know that one mistake will fuck the whole equation up and continually bring you the wrong answer. If 2 x 2 / 2 ever gave you anything other than 2, something got fucked up along the way and any other answer than 2 is bullshit.
Bullshit is to reality as salt is to water. They mix, but once it’s mixed, it spreads and destroys the value of each other. You can put salt anywhere into the water and it dissolves leaving no particular place to remove it, without replacing the whole body of water, or the whole body of salt. The more the water moves, salt moves the same. Salt then becomes part of the water equation, meaning however water is measured, the salt will be included. It becomes undrinkable but it’s not all bad; at least it doesn’t freeze. However, removing it is a lengthy filtration process, whether you boil it and let the steam liquidate, or use a series of filters to catch the salt as the water travels. But the best method for avoiding the destructive combination is not letting the two join…but too late, on to the filtration process. It’s time to hunt some bullshit. How? Here are some mathematical formulas to identify bullshit, which will bring consistent answers.
(Bullshit) ≠ (Reality) Bullshit is the Opposite of Reality
Bullshit is the opposite of reality but it mixes, when bullshit is inserted anywhere in reality, it becomes a part of the reality, and everywhere the reality goes takes along the inserted bullshit. Let’s say, for the sake of example, someone is taught as a child that, fruits, vegetables, and sugar are very healthful and will create a healthy body. A reality mixed with bullshit. The child will continue to eat his/her portion of carrots, apples, asparagus, oranges, broccoli, bananas, and gummy bears. Eventually, it becomes habitual and will continue to follow suit. The fruits and veggies will provide the health benefits as he/she grows, but so will tooth decay and the diabetes. If the kid realizes the sugar is no good and stops eating it, here comes withdrawal effects, and if he/she does get diabetes, he will still need the sugar as the body fails to manage its own, just for example. A more realistic example is constantly being told “don’t strain too hard,” “don’t force yourself,” or “take it easy.” Realistically over doing something destroys value, but under doing (the bullshit part) does as well. Have you noticed the increase of fat bastards across the world?
(Bullshit) + (Reality) = (Bullshit Reality) Substituting Reality with Bullshit
Bullshit is the modern method of survival. So we add bullshit to our daily menu, willfully. We bullshit that we like people we work with or go to school with to maintain status quo. We bullshit each other with nice words, again, to maintain a status quo. For example, a fat woman might ask “do these clothes make me look fat?” Any man who doesn’t want vindictive wrath will usually respond, “No dear, you look nice.” Realistically, the man might want to say, “it’s not the clothes that make you look fat, it’s the fat that makes you look fat.” But he wouldn’t be full of shit then. We greet each other with phrases of “how are you?” or “have a nice day,” when realistically, that’s not a concern at all, it’s mostly a habit; we internalize bullshit. If someone explained how they were with some details, like “my confidence is based on what people think of me but I’m trying to hide that,” or if they answered literally “I’m 5’11”, I’m Caucasian, I have a problem understanding the meaning of my life, and I’m married, but I want to bang other chicks,” is that the type of expected answer? But usually the person being asked has internalized the bullshit that people don’t care and has a flat response like “fine,” or “tired,” to get to the next moment of bullshit in the day, usually scheduled immediately. These are just a few daily scenarios we are accustomed to. A good “bullshit artist” might use different phrases to enhance the appearance of bullshit. Instead of saying “how are you?” one might say “how’s it hanging,” or “you good bro?” Makes the idea of asking a question we completely don’t give a fuck about appear even more like someone cares. Really, just adding bullshit to bullshit to make an even more bullshit reality.
(Bullshit) * (Bullshit) = (Reality) Two Negative Bullshits Equal a Positive
Like playing with numbers for different results, we can work with bullshit for different results. Like multiplying two negative numbers to get a positive number, bullshit follows the same formula. It’s to say when we tell ourselves that bullshit isn’t bullshit, it becomes a reality. For example, a common thought is that laws maintain order and justice, but it’s really men who carry weapons that keep order. Imagine being at a red light at 3 AM and you’re the only car on the road. There’s no practical reason to stop but you do (most of us at least). What makes you stop? Because it’s a law or because there might be a cop around that will pull you over, and if you don’t stop, he’ll use force? Furthermore, if you fail to stop, you’ll be considered resisting. Then he’ll call other men with guns and if you continue to resist, they might blow your fucking brains out and get away with it. So you stop. Not so much because it’s the “law” or because “it’s the right thing to do,” but to avoid possible injury. But we justify it by saying, “it’s the right thing to do.” This is where two bullshits make a right. Bullshit is bullshitted into reality.
(Bullshit) – (Reality) = 2(Bullshit)
Bullshit and Reality are on opposite sides of the number line. In many cases, bullshit begins the story. In this case reality isn’t even part of the equation. Often times, the basis is just a complete bullshit story completely void of truth to begin with so any insert of reality seems like complete bullshit. School comes to mind. In school, we learn that we need laws to maintain order in a society. Without laws there would be utter chaos. Well history alone proves that to be bullshit, just think of how America came to be, terrorizing the weak and stealing the land then enslaving people…for freedom, justice, and the pursuit of happiness. Not to mention countless rebellions, civil wars, crusades, holocausts and just territorial destruction. If logic proves anything from history, trying to organize people in large groups is what causes chaos.
i(Bullshit) = √-(Bullshit) Imaginary Bullshit
When you advance from basic algebra, you moved on to an advanced math class and find formulas that include possibilities, rations, and even numbers that don’t exist in equations. Not letters that represent numbers, they’re imaginary numbers, usually symbolled by “i.” It’s that point in a math class when you subtly say to yourself “What the fuck is that!?” and immediately visit your counselor, for a class transfer. Like numbers, bullshit multiplies and this leads into the most amazing form of bullshit; imaginary bullshit; illusions. These are things no one can see, hear, taste, touch, smell, or even sense. We can’t define them, just describe them. Basically, beliefs we hold true without evidence or logical conclusions. A form of bullshit that’s just there void of any associative reality. This is the bullshit we feed to children, to prime them. Santa Clause, Mickey Mouse, the Tooth Fairy, 3 Little Pigs, Boogie Man, and Superman are some. As we get older we feed religion, UFO’s, professionalism, maturity, careerism. The one thing they all have in common, is obedience to the unknown power. It’s the idea of training yourself to be a certain way to please this mysterious power. Santa knows when you’ve been bad and the police always catch the bad guys. You’re acting childish. Grow up! Did nature produce a standard of how to act at a particular age? For that reason, we learn to laugh at what we’re supposed to laugh at not because it’s funny. We stand a certain way regardless of how our back feels, we talk a certain way regardless of our thoughts, and we dress a certain way regardless of our comfort; all for the sake of this imaginary, mysterious power.
This is particular difficult to explain because the imaginary bullshit we’re taught to obey doesn’t exist. However, when we think of a policeman, we see an image of what ought to be such as a blue uniform with a badge, hat, gun, knight stick, and a goofy ticket book. If we think of the Pope or any political figure, we give them these super human traits of being above the average person. And then are shocked to hell when they bang a younger girl because, like most normal men, they want to get laid too. When you think of older people, the wrinkly with grey hair type, you get a warm feeling of joy and the image of wisdom, respect, and happiness. If you live in the same world as everyone else, there are a lot of old miserable motherfuckers out there. But these, like many more, are hidden by imaginary bullshit, where reality has become imaginary as well. This questions the credibility of the theory “something can’t come from nothing.”
3(Bullshit) + 2(Bullshit) + (Reality) = 5(Bullshit) + (Reality) Combining Like Bullshit
The worst of the mysterious powers we’re bullshitted into being obedient for are the imaginary, like corporations, laws, companies, and anything that has to do with large groups of people. It doesn’t matter how you cut it, there is no such thing as a group of people. There are, however, people with alike traits, but they’re not a group, there individuals. Just because you have a dozen apples, doesn’t mean there aren’t 12 individual apples. They grow individually, they absorb individually, and they need nourishment, individually, same as people. It’s just quicker to say. You can’t eat for someone else, you can’t drink for someone else, you can’t get warm for someone else, you can’t have sex for someone else, and ironically, although covered in bullshit, you can’t think for someone else. You can, however, get someone to do what you do but they have to do what you do themselves. So if there’s any reality to a group it’s bullshitting individuals to individually do or think the same thing, but only if they individually agree to it. They’ll never BE the same thing. So in a nutshell, we build our lives on things that exclude individuality, which is our very basis of life. It’s not all bad though, it’s great when we use the same words to describe things otherwise communication would really suck.
(RB)(EU)(AL)(LL)(IS)(TH)(YI)(T)=(REALITY)(BULLSHIT) Separating Bullshit from Reality
The one area of life that prevents bullshit from being filtered out is finding the bullshit. Often times, worldly bullshit, like overseas hunger, climate change, national debts, droughts, contaminations, etc. are not within our control and most of the time doesn’t affect us, especially if it’s outside of where you live. Some will argue, it may not directly affect you but it can or will affect you because it will trickle down. If so, what the fuck is in my control to solve it? Start a petition to stop waste from being dumped in the ocean? Blow up chemical factories? Pray for peace? Post slogans on Facebook? Deposit an empty bottle for $.05, except in HI? So far none of that has worked, obviously because it still exists, and if it doesn’t, throw this book out. Secondly, if that’s affecting me, that’s effecting all of us who live where I live, and they haven’t seemed to stop it either. And if the people who have direct control over these issues haven’t stopped pollution, or hunger, or any of these worldly bullshit problems, I’m certainly outnumbered, and you’re just asking me to commit suicide. Fuck that, time to focus on problems that are mine and that I can fix.
(BULLSHIT) = (L.I.E.S.) Bullshit is Limiting Information Ensuring Stupidity
So now that there’s establishment on what problems belong to who, it’s time to find which problems belong to us. It’s really not a mystery, it’s just about removing the bullshit covering your problems, for example, everyone else’s (not referring to loved ones, referring to people you don’t know) problems that have been made yours. Donate money for the fight against cancer, where a colored ribbon is support so and so disease awareness, reduce, reuse, recycle, or just volunteering at a food drive. And it’s promoted by giving the illusion that this is what good people do. It’s basically the direct taking from you to give to causes that haven’t progressed, or are always progressing but never succeed. Why is it not equally good to save your money for your own family? Why is it not equally as good to dress freely and let your heart support what it desires? Why is it not equally as good to just wash the fucking dishes? What’s the difference of volunteering for something instead of working for something. If I’m giving wouldn’t it be right that I’m given? Sounds a bit selfish, but you’ll end up being one of the people that are being volunteered for if you don’t work for something. Again, we’re consistently bullshitted into thinking we’re number two. If you’ve ever had a sudden case of diarrhea while sitting in a quiet classroom, and they just announced no bathroom, you’ll know that’s not true. Mathematically (had to throw this in there), if 1 represents you, you are the basis of all numbers, but if you’re two, you’re divisible and not compatible with odd numbers. Also you don’t need 2 then, but two needs 2 1’s or it would be zero.
(REALITY)=(Y.O.U.) Reality is Your Own Understanding
Now that other’s people’s bullshit has been sorted, time to move on to what bullshit belongs to us. Perhaps this is the simplest, whatever is interfering with your consistency, whatever it is, is basically yours (this refers to loved ones and people you know as well). The reason this bullshit is the most important, because it’s your livelihood that suffers, not the strangers we’re all asked to support. And this is the purpose of this book. It’s not for identifying bullshit that has no practicality, but meaning to our very being. We’ve been bullshitted with bullshit so often that we regularly forget our own reality. The one every individual is responsible for. There’s no commercialized list of reasons to live, or a school to learn innate talents, nor is there a guide for right and wrong, and if there is such a guide, that list must have changed at least two or three thousand times. Perhaps, that guide is called laws, but they never seem to be accurate enough to last. That’s because it exists in each individual, it’s not a public thing applied to everyone (another bullshit notion). Next time you’re sick and defy needed rest to get up for work, because you need the money, ask, which is the bullshit of the situation, your body for being sick or your job for being time regimented?
Einstein’s said “we cannot solve problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” However, there are steps, or an equation to solving problems and the first is always, finding the problem. Usually, this is where many of us fuck up and, again, wind up fucking up the rest of the equation. Bullshit has even entered into the realm of identifying problems because when you see everything as a problem, it distorts the problem.
Imagine you have a lucky penny, and dropped it into a bunch of pennies. This penny was more valuable than $.01 because it had the value of luck behind it. This is where you have to find your own sort out the individual qualities that you know about that specific penny and not consider them all the same, or you’ll wind up with another penny. When you wind up with the mentality of it’s the same as all the others, or just take another; bye bye to the individual uniqueness and truth it holds to you and hello bullshit in its place. If the penny only meant $.01 to you in the first place, then it really isn’t a problem in the first place because it doesn’t affect any consistency in your life. If you lose the penny down a sewer, that’s a different story. Now you lost $.01.
But that’s where the confusion lies; what’s the bullshit? Is it your politician or your parent? The laws or your instincts? Your girlfriend or you? The clothes or your weight? Is it the absence of food or the absence of money? This is not meant to imply there’s a right or wrong, but in order to solve a problem, it has to be identified and determined if it’s yours. Not someone else pointing out problems that may be theirs but bullshitting you into believing it’s yours too. Again, you’ll never solve a problem if it isn’t yours to solve, consistent with your life, or something that takes consistency out of your life.